Earning My Keep As a Birth Doula, as I Say Farewell (a post I promised a dad I would write)
Nicole Ramsey (Bethany Dickinson is still around :))
A few years ago I visited a fantastic couple shortly after supporting them at the birth of their baby. Like most babies, this one came in the wee sma’ hours of the night. During a lull in the labor, I tiptoed out to the waiting room and napped on a couple of chairs wedged together. At the postpartum visit, the dad said, “I knew we were hiring you for birth support, but didn’t realize this meant you’d be camping out on uncomfortable chairs in a hospital waiting area at 2 a.m.!” He shared how much he’d appreciated the support; as he said in his review, “I figured that supporting us was the job of the medical staff at the hospital. As it turned out, the medical staff with whom we interacted tended to skip a lot of details that were obvious to them (but not us! like side effects we didn't know about...), omitted a discussion of alternatives, and were occasionally insulting. Having Nicole there during labor made a huge difference…”
So he brought that up in our postpartum appointment, and mentioned that information like this on the website, and not on social media, would be helpful for future dads like him who wondered why you needed One More Person in the room (or sleeping on hospital chairs) in a birth situation. Turns out that when that One More Person is a doula, your birth is much better.
As I leave the birth doula life to focus on graduate school, I thought I’d take some time here to share some of the moments I’ve felt best about this work.
Showing up at a hospital at 3 a.m. and using my knowledge of hospital procedures to help clients advocate for skin-to-skin with their newborn, which hospital staff had told them was impossible under the circumstances.
Chatting with a potential client on the phone as she cried while telling her previous birth story. After our conversation, she told me that just talking through it with someone who truly listened made her feel better already. She hired us and rocked an amazing birth.
Listening to a woman in her first pregnancy talk through what she wanted for her birth and affirming that these weren’t impossible dreams, but realistic goals. We helped her navigate the decision to change medical providers, which helped her achieve these goals.
Relieving stress and anxiety in a room when hard decisions had to be made, by simply being calm, encouraging, and giving space. As one client’s mother said, “the whole mood in the room changed when you walked in.”
Allowing dads who had been awake for 24 hours before labor even began to take short naps or get coffee while I offered birth support, making sure they would be better able to help care for mama & baby after birth.
Remembering birth preferences that mattered to clients in birth situations where busy hospital staff hadn’t looked at a simple birth plan, and helping these goals still happen. “How long were you wanting to wait before the cord was cut? What did your birth plan say about postpartum pitocin? Is this the stage of labor where you wanted to use the shower?” etc. Mindfulness matters when you are a doula.
Holding hands with a newly delivered mother while her partner followed their beautiful baby on an unexpected NICU journey, so she didn’t feel alone.
Reminding a mother in birth that asking for an epidural is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign that your body needs rest.
While also helping mothers find ways to move in labor, choosing new positions, find ways to cope with their contractions, increase their pain tolerances, and lean into contractions so that they could feel both strong and relaxed in labor.
This is a brief list, and doesn’t even get into the ways I’ve loved postpartum support for women (since I’ll still be available for some postpartum shifts, that doesn’t quite fit in a farewell-to-birth post :) ). I’ve loved connecting with the greater birth community, especially having the privilege of sharing some of my NICU-mom story on a top rated podcast. When we were a struggling NICU family, I never envisioned the reality of strengthening other NICU families one day, and that I got do it still gives me chills.
I’m leaving the birth doula life to focus on history. What I love about history is what I’ve loved the most working as a doula: being privileged to see our beautiful humanity, choosing life again & again. Thank you, dear clients, for all the ways you’ve invited me into your spaces. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
Love,
Nicole Ramsey - Summer, 2024