Can’t My Partner Support Me Instead of a Doula?

“He’s so supportive! And he wants to be involved through the whole labor process. No offense, but won’t a doula take over his role?”  Sometimes women find it odd to think of support coming from anyone but their husbands (and in other cases, which we’ll discuss later, women know their husbands will be overwhelmed by the birth and need all the help they can get!)

 Understanding, supportive partners are the best and not to be taken for granted, for sure! There are reasons having a doula still makes a lot of sense and can make it easier for your partner to be better support.    Sometimes a partner is unfamiliar with birth  and finds the labor experience a bit intimidating; a doula can help show them techniques to use and give confidence with additional tools and tips.   

In other cases, a partner needs to be available to help with the baby’s siblings. Maybe you want big brother or sister to see part of the labor process or birth, and a doula can help with that. You wouldn’t hand the toddler to your OB and say, “here, hold him while ya catch the baby and my husband rubs my back, k?” Right?   

Sometimes a partner needs a break. That might sound silly since it’s not exactly easy for a laboring woman to clock out from labor, so why should the other parent? Maybe they just finished a shift at work and didn’t get time to eat before go-time. You and baby will need support and attention after the birth, too, and a partner who is rested and fed will be better at this. They might feel awful about doing this without a doula there, but knowing that you are in supportive hands will free them up to take care of the whole family.    

Labor can be stressful even for the most experienced families, and having an impartial, compassionate, supportive person to help you remember questions to ask when both of you are absorbed with contractions or (hurrah!) the joy of a little one can be a big help, too. A doula isn’t at a birth to send us back to the 1950s, where partners were sent out of the hospital room and left to shuffle their feet in the hallways; a doula is there to build on the support a woman is already receiving. ❤️