What to Expect When You Come Home From The Hospital With a Newborn

I've heard the comment so many times from mothers: "we left the hospital with our baby and wondered why they trusted us with this tiny human! Why?!"  Or I hear from parents of brand new babies the reality shock of living with a newborn versus the imagined life of a newborn. We all know we will be tired, of course, but in pregnancy it is very easy to imagine that we will be tired at the same time our baby is tired, or that the baby will be at their crankiest when we are at our most rested.

 And, well, that's not true a lot of the time. We are flustered to find out the baby really wants to be held by us almost 24/7, that we get cranky at the same time they are cranky, that when we are at our lowest points of exhaustion is also when the baby decides to have a massive diaper blowout. Or that when we finally get our non-pregnant body into a shower and can imagine the joy of shaving our legs unimpeded, we actually get into the shower and just start to cry... about everything in life, really. We discover that the baby isn't the only one who cries a lot in the early days.

 Please don't get me wrong. There are so many wonderful, beautiful things about those early newborn days. The snuggles are real; your baby is practically magical in her ability to make you smile. But I think that in our concern over making sure all severe cases of Postpartum Depression are discussed (a very needed thing!), we also keep new mothers from knowing that it can be normal to be extremely emotional when you first come home from the hospital. 

Here's a quick list of things to expect in the first few weeks after coming home from the hospital: 

1) When your milk comes in, your hormones go crazy and you will probably Cry Buckets. Or feel like you will cry buckets.  There are usually a couple days where everything will make you cry. Please don't freak out and think this means you are destined for the worst kind of postpartum recovery period ever; please DO ask people close to you to keep tabs on you, and be open and talk about it, and think of a benchmark evaluation period: "if I am crying this much in a week, then I need to talk to someone professional," for instance.

2) Your breasts will get HUGE. Except in the very rare, unicorn cases (think IGT) ~ when your milk comes in, you will be massively engorged and there may even be some new latching struggles that you didn't experience in the hospital. This does not mean you are suddenly a failure! It means you might need to connect more with additional support (be prepared to schedule extra sessions with your doula, or connect with the La Leche League in your area, or visit the hospital lactation consultant, for instance). 

  2a) But when they stop being huge, that does not mean your milk supply is in danger: that super-full feeling is not the norm for your entire breastfeeding relationship; as your body regulates supply, you can still feel not-full and have a terrific supply. Better gauges for supply are: weight gain (although breastfed babies gain more slowly than formula fed ones) and wet diaper output.

3) Your baby may not sleep peacefully without you. I feel like this is one of the biggest shocks for American parents. Why American ones? Because most of the world's other cultures, including ones with lower infant death/SIDS rates than we have, practice some form of bed-sharing or co-sleeping. Researcher James McKenna at the University of Notre Dame has done an outstanding job on this subject; I reviewed his older book here (and he's got a new one I will read soon!).  If I could encourage every new parent to research one thing before birth, it would be the area of infant sleep. Read everything James McKenna has written, but know that he's not the only one saying these things. Two Harvard researchers wrote about how we need more co-sleeping too. 

  Before I get blacklisted: No, co-sleeping is not always safe. There are very specific safety protocols, and it's important to listen and know what they are. Determining that you are never going to sleep with your baby when you're pregnant & then falling asleep while holding a newborn in a recliner because you're so insanely exhausted is considerably more dangerous than making appropriate plans with your bed before birth. This is a fact. The AAP even acknowledged this in their most recent sleep-guidelines: "If you are feeding your baby and think that there's even the slightest possibility that you may fall asleep, feed your baby on your bed, rather than a sofa or cushioned chair," said Dr. Feldman-Winter (source).

4) You Will Need Extra Support ~ Post-partum doulas are wonderful for this, but I'm not writing this just to promote my services. American culture too often isolates families into nuclear units, and expects too much independence from both mothers and newborns. Taking care of a newborn and recovering from pregnancy is a full time job for a mother; adding anything else to her plate will overload her quickly. It is vital to find help.  Other options families can use: social groups, religious communities, extended family, neighbors, meal delivery services, grocery delivery services, teenagers as mother's helpers...  put a plan in place before birth, but also be open to the idea of changing it up as needed afterward. 

5) There Will Probably Be A Lot of Laundry ~ Yup. But see #4 for help with this. ;)

6) Post-partum bleeding is normal and can last longer than you Expected ~ Lasting longer than expected is especially true if you're overly active right away. Your body is healing on the inside from where the placenta was; it's like a big scab inside your body. Rest is important. For real.