The ABC’s of Breastfeeding: Adoration, Anger, & Asking For Help
Today I'm kicking off a series of blog posts on breastfeeding, going through the alphabet. I'm excited about the planned list ~ many of them are practical, down-to-earth topics such as biting, night nursing, colustrum (yay!), yeast infections (blaaaahhhh)... but today I want to start with some of the big emotions that nursing can bring on. Some of them we find hard to articulate or feel embarrassed to talk about, when we shouldn't be.
Adoration is easy, of course. The milky chin, the pudgy knees and thigh dimples... the moments when your baby is looking up at you like you're the most beautiful person in their world (because you are)... all of these make a woman marvel at what her body can do, and the gorgeous pair a mother and baby make. Although there are times when a breastfeeding relationship cannot happen (hello, mom of a tube-fed baby here!), the fact that the physiological norm is so miraculous just takes our breath away. It starts from the very beginning, when the best vision a newborn has is approximately from their mothers' arms to her face (bonding, anyone?) and continues through sweet and rough moments: soothing baby to sleep, comforting them after the pain of a heel stick or immunization shot, wonderful nutrition that your body just does on its own. Gotta admit.... those, "I Make Milk, What's Your Superpower?" tees are pretty fabulous after you've started on a breastfeeding adventure.
And yet... it's not always adoration, is it? After months of pregnancy, where you learned one way of sharing your body so completely with another person, suddenly you're doing it again. A tiny, non-verbal, sometimes irrational, confused about life person is relying on your body (sensitive parts, even!) for sustenance.... um, yikes! They will be hungry A LOT in the early days, at inconvenient times, leaving inconvenient messes in their wake. You will be tired, you might want some space and time, and you will not always feel rational about the whole process yourself. There will be times when you might feel angry about breastfeeding's demands. Acknowledging that at the beginning is one of the very best things you can do for yourself, so much better than being taken by surprise by the rocky emotions of the journey.
Do not let your emotions tell you that the hard parts are days you have to traverse alone! Ask for help. Talk to your girlfriends who have nursed. Explain to your partner how hard it's been lately. Do not let all the pressure for baby's happiness be on your shoulders: ask a grandmother or your spouse to take baby on a walk while you nap, hire a postpartum doula to spend time in your home, providing compassionate and non-judgmental support, making sure you are fed and that your baby is entertained at times when you need a break. Find time to take care of yourself in ways that are truly regenerative (a walk of your own, a nap, time with a favorite hobby).
As you do these things, you'll be building up better breastfeeding memories for yourself and your baby... and some day, when the weaning happens (because I've got 3 times behind me to tell me it's happened), you'll be able to step up and help some other mother sort through these emotions herself. What a privilege!